I just wanted to give a quick update that Levi feels better...today. We are going to take this thing day by day, and yesterday and today have been pretty good. If he is able to make it through 3 bad days and get good/decent 11 days in between, that is doable. He still is experiencing some of the side effects like numbness in his hands and still can't drink anything cold, but he ate his dinner tonight and it actually tasted good to him, which means his taste buds are starting to come back, a good sign. So hopefully he'll be able to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday :)

Round 1: Chemo 1 - Levi 0

Cancer has been very real and present in our lives these last couple of days. I think we have kind of been dipping in and out of reality and it's easy to kind of forget that Levi really is sick. He has healed up from his surgery so well these last few weeks that when he started his first chemo treatment on Thursday, we were anxious and not sure what to expect.

The bump under his skin is his power port.

It has been a rough start, and we hear it only gets worse the more infusions you get. We reported to the doctor on Thursday morning at 9 am. He began his infusion at around 10:30am. He was infused for 2 hours and then hooked up to his pump that would go over the next 46 hours. He was given a sweet fanny pack as a parting gift to carry his pump. It was an exhausting day for both of us. We were also extremely surprised by how quickly the side effects kicked in.

They started out by giving him anti-nausea medication before his chemo started. Within 10 minutes he was already getting a headache, which is a side effect of the anti-nausea pill, so they gave him some Tylenol to offset that. His only other minor complaint was having to go to the bathroom every few minutes since he was being pumped full of so many fluids. I tried to make myself useful by unplugging and plugging back in his IV pole. I was so good at it, I offered my services to the little, old ladies sitting next to us if they needed to get up. You can't help but wonder what each person is in there receiving treatment for, but you almost don't dare ask. I also felt sorry for those that were there alone. Not that you necessarily need someone there, but it's so important for me to be there and feel supportive.

The room is "L" shaped with recliner chairs lined up full of people (90% of them over 70) facing inward. Ironically there is a beautiful view of the mountains in the big windows behind, but no one gets to look out of them because they want you facing towards the nurses station in case of any reactions to the drugs.


I grabbed him some Subway before we left and he felt good enough to drive home. He opened his bag of chips in the car and almost gagged on them. He experienced a bit of lock jaw and the chips hardly had any taste. He tried a bite of cookie and then some gum, same scenario. There was a bottle of water that had been sitting in the car as well. It was a little colder than room temperature, but as soon as he took a drink, he throat constricted and felt like he was choking (all of these expected side effects). He had been told, but now he knew first hand, his drinks could only be room temperature, at best. When we got home, he grabbed a handful of bottle waters that had been sitting in the garage. By the time he got into the house, he literally felt like he was being electrocuted with pins and needles and threw them out on the counter. Warning, wear gloves next time (touching anything remotely cold, oh yeah, and use warm water to wash your hands). He choked down half of his tasteless sandwich and laid on the couch feeling quite tired and nauseated by this point.

Later I made him some ramen noodles, of which he forced down half a bowl and proceeded to lay around. By the hour he looked more and more sick. His face was very pale and he had large circles under his eyes. The best he could compare it to was feeling like he had the flu. I was trying to help in any way I could, but it was so hard to see him in this state and feel so helpless. The worst part of the night was when I came downstairs to the most awful noise of him throwing up. He NEVER throws up, so I almost didn't know what was going on when I heard it and he had given me no warning. As he sat in the dark bathroom with only the reflection of the TV I was reminded of what a horrible disease cancer is and how nasty it can be and I wanted to run far away from it. Good news was he did feel better after throwing up.

Friday morning he was extremely nauseated still and tired. He slept most of the day and felt a bit better by the evening. Good enough to go to REI to trade his dorky fanny pack in for a "cool" waist pack water bottle holder. Jealous? Much more stylish to sport around his chemo for sure.



That brings me to this afternoon. He unhooked his line from the chemo this morning, flushed it out with saline and heparin (helps prevent blood clots) and is back asleep again. He hasn't eaten much and what he has eaten, it's more out of thinking he should, not because it tastes or sounds good. He said when he was eating a delicious "Cup-O-Soup" for lunch, he had no idea that chemo would kick his butt like it did. Well good news babe, only 11 more rounds to go and I'm cheering for you...

And so is Brecken...we love you!

My Ah-Ha Moment

Brecken and I were able to go visit my family in UT this past weekend and since my dad is currently serving as a councilor in a BYU ward we went down to campus to the singles ward. Callie finally had her chance to hold Brecken and show her off. As we once single's remember, sacrament meeting was always so quiet since there are no kids or babies. So when Brecken got a little fussy, Callie jumped at the opportunity to take her out. I was actually really grateful because I was able to hear a talk from the visiting high counselor. He was an older man and he started out with some pretty corny jokes. I must admit, I thought it was going to be a long meeting. But he quickly got my attention when he began speaking of his late wife that had battled with cancer for ten years and had since past away about five years ago. (As a side note, everything on TV and everything I hear now is about cancer, I never realized how much we are surrounded by it). Toward the end of his wife's battle, she had received a bone marrow transplant and had a very bad reaction to it. She had never been in so much pain and told her husband she was ready to die. She did die shortly thereafter, but at that time, her husband had a profound realization. As he was witnessing how much pain his wife was in, his thoughts were turned to the Savior and how he suffered for all of us and for everything. I think it is beyond any of us to comprehend the pain the Lord chose to suffer for us. A few weeks after she had passed, and he was greatly struggling with her loss, he was helping teach a lesson where this scripture was presented.

Isaiah 53: 4-5
Surely he has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities, the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

And to my ah-ha moment:

This gave me a profound look at the atonement and how it applies in my life. Since Levi's diagnosis, I have never once thought about how I need to be taking advantage more than ever of the process of repentance, so that the Savior can fully reach out and comfort and heal me during this trial we are facing. This may be a very simple principle, but I had never looked at it in this way and am so grateful for this sweet man's talk I was able to hear. It's through these simple realizations that I find comfort and peace.

It's only been a couple of short (but feeling very long) months since our world was turned upside down, not only by a new baby, but of course with Levi's diagnosis. But looking back, I feel that I have very humbly matured in many ways already. I truly feel this trial has presented a very unique opportunity to grow and to try and test my faith. This has undoubtedly been the hardest thing I have every experienced and I find myself searching for peace and comfort through really listening to talks and testimonies given at church, the hymns, the scriptures and lessons. Things have really been put into perspective for me and I am grateful. I find myself and family so incredibly blessed by the willingness of so many around us to serve us in any way we could think of, and not expect anything in return. This has increased my desire to serve now that I know how service has blessed me so much in my life. I've realized how selfishly I say my own prayers when so many have been constantly remembering us in their prayers whether they know us well, in passing, or not at all.
I don't know if we will ever know or truly understand why we were given this trial, but you always hear of the blessings you will receive if you endure the trial faithfully. But what I didn't think of so much was the blessings you receive during the trial. Yes, you can get and realize blessings during a hardship. In addition to the one's I mentioned above, one that I am truly thankful for is a reconnection and closeness I have gained with my parents, siblings, extended family and of course Levi. I think that relationship has been strengthened not only due to what we are going through with Levi, but because of the birth of Brecken. It's amazing the change that automatically comes over you when become a parent and have your own child to love and care for. You appreciate that love your parents can only have for you and I am so grateful for their support and love.
I am so grateful for my simple, yet ever-growing testimony of this gospel. I KNOW that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only true and whole church upon this earth today and I would be lost without it. Our Lord and Savior suffered for me and for all of us and I am forever indebted to Him for His sacrifice. Am I being bold by declaring this on my blog being read by so many, Mormon and not? I don't think so, I want everyone to know I do not doubt this and these are among my strongest feelings I want to share with everyone.
Levi heard a quote something to the effect of, "The greater the trial, the greater the responsibility" and we are trying our best to carry that responsibility the best we can....and we can't say thank you enough for everyone's support.

Port Procedure

Levi had his port put in today. Everything went well, although a bit of a long day in the hospital. The nurse was super nice by making sure Brecken and I waited in his little curtained off room while he was in surgery so I didn't have to wait in the waiting area with all the infections going around. Brecken was absolutely perfect and didn't cry once, although she seriously had like 5 poopy diapers in a span of 5 hours AND she got it on her clothes, thank goodness for back ups.
He is just resting now and a little sore. I'm not going to lie, it does seem weird he has that under his skin. I feel like he has been taken over by aliens and been implanted with something. There is a pretty big bump where it is and you can feel the line that goes into his vein. I will post a picture once it is healed. He was supposed to have chemo next Friday, but they moved it to Thursday morning instead, so let the poisoning begin....

Chillaxin'

This is Brecken's latest thing to do, prop her hands behind her head. This and she is a little vain too. She loves to see herself in the mirror and gets the biggest smile (wonder where that big smile could come from :)). I have yet to get a picture of this because either I'm by myself or we just woke up, and sorry folks, I'm not going to sacrifice my bedhead look just to post a cute picture of Brecky.

Levi finally gets his port put in on Wednesday morning. It's about time, let's get this show on the road already.

First Chemo Treatment Date

Levi's first chemotherapy treatment will be on Friday, November 20th. This is a good time to start since he will not be starting this week so he will miss Thanksgiving and Christmas weeks (because he will go every other Friday), however he will end up having a treatment New Year's Eve, but that's no big deal. So we will look forward to getting this started and hope for the best.

Port Procedure Date

Levi will be getting his port put in next Wednesday morning, the 11th. He will only have to be partially sedated and it's an outpatient procedure. He decided to go with a port that is competely under the skin. The downside to this type is he will have to get poked with a needle every time. Whereas the other option has a central line coming out that they can just hook into like an I.V. everytime he needs treatment or blood drawn, but then you have the tubes sticking out of the skin and I'm sure that would start to bug after a bit. He also would have to be more careful when he excercised (if he feels up to it) and keeping it clean. Chemo will start shortly after that, however we still do not know the date. Wish the date was a little sooner, but oh well...

His port will look something like this and it will be competely under the skin.

Happy Halloween

How freakin' cute is she? Can't get enough!

Levi busted out his deviled egg costume he made last year, love it.