My Ah-Ha Moment

Brecken and I were able to go visit my family in UT this past weekend and since my dad is currently serving as a councilor in a BYU ward we went down to campus to the singles ward. Callie finally had her chance to hold Brecken and show her off. As we once single's remember, sacrament meeting was always so quiet since there are no kids or babies. So when Brecken got a little fussy, Callie jumped at the opportunity to take her out. I was actually really grateful because I was able to hear a talk from the visiting high counselor. He was an older man and he started out with some pretty corny jokes. I must admit, I thought it was going to be a long meeting. But he quickly got my attention when he began speaking of his late wife that had battled with cancer for ten years and had since past away about five years ago. (As a side note, everything on TV and everything I hear now is about cancer, I never realized how much we are surrounded by it). Toward the end of his wife's battle, she had received a bone marrow transplant and had a very bad reaction to it. She had never been in so much pain and told her husband she was ready to die. She did die shortly thereafter, but at that time, her husband had a profound realization. As he was witnessing how much pain his wife was in, his thoughts were turned to the Savior and how he suffered for all of us and for everything. I think it is beyond any of us to comprehend the pain the Lord chose to suffer for us. A few weeks after she had passed, and he was greatly struggling with her loss, he was helping teach a lesson where this scripture was presented.

Isaiah 53: 4-5
Surely he has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities, the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

And to my ah-ha moment:

This gave me a profound look at the atonement and how it applies in my life. Since Levi's diagnosis, I have never once thought about how I need to be taking advantage more than ever of the process of repentance, so that the Savior can fully reach out and comfort and heal me during this trial we are facing. This may be a very simple principle, but I had never looked at it in this way and am so grateful for this sweet man's talk I was able to hear. It's through these simple realizations that I find comfort and peace.

It's only been a couple of short (but feeling very long) months since our world was turned upside down, not only by a new baby, but of course with Levi's diagnosis. But looking back, I feel that I have very humbly matured in many ways already. I truly feel this trial has presented a very unique opportunity to grow and to try and test my faith. This has undoubtedly been the hardest thing I have every experienced and I find myself searching for peace and comfort through really listening to talks and testimonies given at church, the hymns, the scriptures and lessons. Things have really been put into perspective for me and I am grateful. I find myself and family so incredibly blessed by the willingness of so many around us to serve us in any way we could think of, and not expect anything in return. This has increased my desire to serve now that I know how service has blessed me so much in my life. I've realized how selfishly I say my own prayers when so many have been constantly remembering us in their prayers whether they know us well, in passing, or not at all.
I don't know if we will ever know or truly understand why we were given this trial, but you always hear of the blessings you will receive if you endure the trial faithfully. But what I didn't think of so much was the blessings you receive during the trial. Yes, you can get and realize blessings during a hardship. In addition to the one's I mentioned above, one that I am truly thankful for is a reconnection and closeness I have gained with my parents, siblings, extended family and of course Levi. I think that relationship has been strengthened not only due to what we are going through with Levi, but because of the birth of Brecken. It's amazing the change that automatically comes over you when become a parent and have your own child to love and care for. You appreciate that love your parents can only have for you and I am so grateful for their support and love.
I am so grateful for my simple, yet ever-growing testimony of this gospel. I KNOW that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only true and whole church upon this earth today and I would be lost without it. Our Lord and Savior suffered for me and for all of us and I am forever indebted to Him for His sacrifice. Am I being bold by declaring this on my blog being read by so many, Mormon and not? I don't think so, I want everyone to know I do not doubt this and these are among my strongest feelings I want to share with everyone.
Levi heard a quote something to the effect of, "The greater the trial, the greater the responsibility" and we are trying our best to carry that responsibility the best we can....and we can't say thank you enough for everyone's support.